Last Call Review of draft-ietf-regext-bundling-registration-09
review-ietf-regext-bundling-registration-09-secdir-lc-housley-2019-03-08-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-regext-bundling-registration
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 11)
Type Last Call Review
Team Security Area Directorate (secdir)
Deadline 2019-03-15
Requested 2019-03-01
Authors Ning Kong, Jiankang Yao, Linlin Zhou, Wil Tan, Jiagui Xie
Draft last updated 2019-03-08
Completed reviews Secdir Last Call review of -09 by Russ Housley (diff)
Genart Last Call review of -09 by Joel Halpern (diff)
Secdir Telechat review of -11 by Russ Housley
Genart Telechat review of -11 by Joel Halpern
Assignment Reviewer Russ Housley
State Completed
Review review-ietf-regext-bundling-registration-09-secdir-lc-housley-2019-03-08
Reviewed rev. 09 (document currently at 11)
Review result Has Issues
Review completed: 2019-03-08

Review
review-ietf-regext-bundling-registration-09-secdir-lc-housley-2019-03-08

I reviewed this document as part of the Security Directorate's ongoing
effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the IESG.  These
comments were written primarily for the benefit of the Security Area
Directors.  Document authors, document editors, and WG chairs should
treat these comments just like any other IETF Last Call comments.

Document: draft-ietf-regext-bundling-registration-09
Reviewer: Russ Housley
Review Date: 2019-03-09
IETF LC End Date: 2019-03-15
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Has Issues


Major Concerns:

If this document is going to be published on the IETF Stream, then the
IANA registrations should point to the IESG, not the document authors.


Minor Concerns:

Section 2: Please update the first paragraph to reference RFC 8174
in addition to RFC 2119, as follows: 

   The key words "MUST", "MUST NOT", "REQUIRED", "SHALL", "SHALL NOT",
   "SHOULD", "SHOULD NOT", "RECOMMENDED", "NOT RECOMMENDED", "MAY", and
   "OPTIONAL" in this document are to be interpreted as described in
   BCP 14 [RFC2119] [RFC8174] when, and only when, they appear in all
   capitals, as shown here.


Nits:

The document has many grammer errors.  For example, the first paragraph
of the Introduction has three things that need to be corrected:
- s/which has identical/which have identical/
- s/labels(LABEL)/labels (LABEL)/
- s/(V-tld);/(V-tld)./

In addition, there are several places in the document with arbitrary
extra white space.  For example, in Section 8, it says:
      <!--
      Child elements of the <b-dn:create>     command
      All     elements must be present at     time of creation
      -->

Please correct the grammar and eliminate the extra white space.

Ins Section 7.2.2, some of the lines in the examples do not begin
with "S:".  Please correct.