Last Call Review of draft-ietf-p2psip-sip-17
review-ietf-p2psip-sip-17-genart-lc-shirazipour-2016-04-07-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-p2psip-sip
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 21)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2016-04-06
Requested 2016-03-24
Authors Cullen Jennings, Bruce Lowekamp, Eric Rescorla, Salman Baset, Henning Schulzrinne, Thomas Schmidt
Draft last updated 2016-04-07
Completed reviews Genart Last Call review of -17 by Meral Shirazipour (diff)
Genart Telechat review of -18 by Meral Shirazipour (diff)
Opsdir Telechat review of -18 by Will LIU (diff)
Assignment Reviewer Meral Shirazipour
State Completed
Review review-ietf-p2psip-sip-17-genart-lc-shirazipour-2016-04-07
Reviewed rev. 17 (document currently at 21)
Review result Ready with Nits
Review completed: 2016-04-07

Review
review-ietf-p2psip-sip-17-genart-lc-shirazipour-2016-04-07






I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments.




 




For more information, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.





 




 




Document:  draft-ietf-p2psip-sip-17




Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour




Review Date: 2016-04-06




IETF LC End Date:  2016-04-06




IESG Telechat date: 2016-04-21




 




 




Summary:




This draft is ready to be published as Standards Track RFC but I have some comments.




 




Major issues:




 




Minor issues:




 




Nits/editorial comments:




-[Page 1] Abstract: some suggestions for clarity:




-After "(RELOAD)" it would be clearer to add [rfc6940].




-"Uris"---->"URIs"




-"the AppAttach method"---->"the RELOAD AppAttach method"




 




I find the first paragraph of the Introduction more suitable for abstract text.





The abstract should clarify which protocols are being extended here SIP, RELOAD, both.




 




 




-[Page 4], "ICE" to be spelled out at first use.




      




-[Page 7], "PDU" to be spelled out at first use.




 




-[Page 12], "either SIP scheme"--->"either SIP schemes"




-[Page 13], "Uris"---->"URIs"




-[Page 13], "gr URI"--->"  "gr" URI  "




-[Page 18], ietf-p2psip-share ref to be updated to latest




 




Best Regards,




Meral




---




Meral Shirazipour




Ericsson




Research




www.ericsson.com