Last Call Review of draft-ietf-netmod-syslog-model-17

Request Review of draft-ietf-netmod-syslog-model-12
Requested rev. 12 (document currently at 26)
Type Last Call Review
Team YANG Doctors (yangdoctors)
Deadline 2017-02-27
Requested 2017-02-18
Requested by Mehmet Ersue
Draft last updated 2017-09-12
Completed reviews Yangdoctors Last Call review of -17 by Kent Watsen (diff)
Genart Last Call review of -21 by Francis Dupont (diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -21 by Yaron Sheffer (diff)
Opsdir Last Call review of -21 by Ron Bonica (diff)
Assignment Reviewer Kent Watsen
State Completed
Review review-ietf-netmod-syslog-model-17-yangdoctors-lc-watsen-2017-09-12
Reviewed rev. 17 (document currently at 26)
Review result Ready with Issues
Review completed: 2017-09-12


[This is from my review posted to netmod ML on July 12]

As shepherd, yang doctor, and individual contributor, following is 
my LC/YD review.

1. Because I know this draft will not be presented in Prague, I first
checked to see if it was NMDA-compatible.  The draft contains just
one module, and it only contains config true nodes (no config false
nodes).  There is no companion "-state" module in the Appendix.  As
far as I can tell, all this is accurate, as I don't believe this 
module needs to do anything special to be NMDA compatible.  Agreed?

2. the abstract seems just a little bland.  Is there any way to beef
it up with a sentence or two?

3. S1, P1, last sentence.  s/the messages/these messages/?

4. S1, P3, 1st sentence: "and processes those"?  - rewrite sentence?

5. S1 as a whole.  I'm a bit unclear what this section is doing.  It
seems to be a general summary of Syslog (RFC5424).  Do we need this here?

6. S1.1: you should also reference RFC8174 here.

7. S1.2: three terms come from 5424, but only one has its definition
   provided.  This seems inconsistent...

8. S2: s/6020/7950/

9. S3, P3: this paragraph is hard to read due to the previous paragraph
talking about proprietary features.  Maybe replace the beginning of the 
sentence to read "Some optional features are defined in this document
to specify"?

10. S3, P4: The diagram appears to show multiple originators, not 
just one, so s/an originator/originators/?  Also, I don't think 
either of the commas are needed.

11. S3, P6: This paragraph starts a new aspect of the design, right?
This is likely just a text-rendering issue, but the transition from
the diagram above (Figure 1) to this line is not visible.  Can you
provide a transition sentence?

12. S3, P8: I'm having trouble understanding the pseudocode.  What
happens if S and/or F are not present?  Can S or F ever not be
present? - looking at the tree diagram, it seems like they might
always be set to something in the model.

13. S3.1, P1: RFC 6087 did not define tree diagram notation, and
rfc6087bis references the tree-diagram draft.  I don't think that
it is safe for this draft to reference the tree-diagram draft, as
that draft is unstable (the notation may change).  You should 
probably copy/paste the Tree Diagram Notation section found in
other drafts today (especially mine).

14. S3.1: is /syslog/actions/remote/destination/tls/ missing an
'address' leaf?

15. S4.1, P1: Doesn't the module import *groupings* from ietf-keystore
and ietf-tls-client?

16. S4.1, though it's not in 6087bis, I think that it is best
practice for 'import' statements to include a 'reference'

  import ietf-keystore {
    prefix ks;
      "RFC YYYY: Keystore Model";

17. S4.1, imports that are used for groupings only should use a
revision statement:

  import ietf-tls-client {
    prefix tlsc;
    revision-date YYYY-MM-DD; // stable grouping definitions
      "RFC ZZZZ: TLS Client and Server Models";

18. S4.1, can you put the beginning of the 'organization' (i.e. "IETF")
on the next line, s/NETCONF Data Modeling Language/Network Modeling/,
and put a blank line in after the 'organization' line?

19. S4.1, in the 'severity-filter' grouping, why does leaf 'severity'
have values set for enums 'none' and 'all'?  When would these values
be used, as opposed to the enum's name string?  If you do need values,
then shouldn't 'none' be 2147483647 (so nothing can be greater than it)
and 'all' be -2147483648 (so everything is greater than it)?

20. S7: can you indent the two blocks of details so the whole thing
reads better?

21. S8: please rework so this section so it matches the new template

22. S8.1: it would be better if the third paragraph was moved up to
become the first paragraph.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a syslog expert, but have interacted with it,
including structured-syslog, over the years.