Last Call Review of draft-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-
review-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-genart-lc-davies-2012-01-17-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 08)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2012-01-17
Requested 2012-01-06
Draft last updated 2012-01-17
Completed reviews Genart Last Call review of -?? by Elwyn Davies
Genart Last Call review of -?? by Elwyn Davies
Assignment Reviewer Elwyn Davies
State Completed
Review review-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-genart-lc-davies-2012-01-17
Review completed: 2012-01-17

Review
review-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-genart-lc-davies-2012-01-17

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on 
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at 
<

http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments 
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-06
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 16 January 2012
IETF LC End Date: 19 January 2012
IESG Telechat date: (if known) -

Summary: Almost ready with just some minor nits.

Major issues: -

Minor issues:
s4.1, IP4_HOA_ONLY_SUPPORTED: Is there need to discuss what happens  if
the MUST/MUST NOT conditions are not satisfied? 

Nits/editorial comments:
s1, last para: s/visitor/visited/

s2, Home AAA: s/to  mobile/to the mobile/

s3: Expand acronym PBU on first use.

s3, para 7 (before numbered list): s/Following/The following/

s3, para below figure 2: s/illustrates topology where MAG/illustrates a
topologywhere the MAG/

s4, general: It might be helpful to replace the text 'to be defined by
IANA' in the Type specification fields with the relevant '(TBDxx)' if
that is the format that is wanted eventually.

s4.1, para 1: "reserves a new capability bit" - I think two new bits are
reserved in this section.

s4.1, IP4_HOA_ONLY_SUPPORTED: Expand acronym HNP on first use.

s4.2: Expand acronyms NAI, PBA on first use.

s4.2, et seq, Length fields: The formula '>= 3 octets' is confusing.
Suggest 'In octets, including Type and Length fields (>= 3)'

s4.2: The abbreviated name used for this field is inconsistent:
MN-Identifier in para 1, MN-ID in last para.

s4.5, para 2 and s4.7, para 2: s/If included by VAAA/If included by the
VAAA/

s4.8/s4.9/s4.12/s4.13: Is the all-zeroes case specified by prefix length
zero or 16 octets of zeroes?  Not sure if an actual prefix of zero
length is meaningful here.

s4.8/s4.9: Need to specify how PrefixLength is represented (unsigned
integer).

s4.10: s/conveys 64 bits interface identifier/conveys an 8 octet long
interface identifier/ (for consistency with field definition in last
para.)

s4.11: s/contains 64 bits interface identifier/contains an 8 octet long
interface identifier/ (for consistency with field definition in last
para.)

s4.16, last line of figure: s/LMA IPv6/DHCP v6 server/

s5.1, bullet 1: s/Home-/Home/

s7: I am not sure if the various must's and may's ought to be MUST's and
MAY's.