Early Review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05
review-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05-iotdir-early-gomez-2019-10-24-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 06)
Type Early Review
Team Internet of Things Directorate (iotdir)
Deadline 2019-10-25
Requested 2019-10-10
Requested by Suresh Krishnan
Authors Diego Dujovne, Michael Richardson
Draft last updated 2019-10-24
Completed reviews Iotdir Early review of -05 by Carles Gomez (diff)
Assignment Reviewer Carles Gomez
State Completed
Review review-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05-iotdir-early-gomez-2019-10-24
Posted at https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/Iot-dir/YzFYhHKGusvUFsUfUYDDxwsPoa8
Reviewed rev. 05 (document currently at 06)
Review result Ready with Issues
Review completed: 2019-10-24

Review
review-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05-iotdir-early-gomez-2019-10-24

Thanks to the authors for writing this document.

I did not identify technical problems. (There are comments below that do have a technical side, but the issues might just be editorial.)

There is a number of suggestions provided below, mostly editorial and about presentation.

Title
- "IEEE802.15.4" --> "IEEE 802.15.4"
- "Informational Element" --> "Information Element"
- "6tisch" --> "6TiSCH"

Abstract: I'd suggest adding a comma after "In TSCH mode of IEEE STD 802.15.4".

Section 1. 
- "As further details" --> "As further detailed"
- Introduce the acronym "EB" the first time that "Enhanced Beacon" appears. (Then use "EB" thereafter in the document.)

Subsection 1.2. 
- After "synchronization of ASN and Join Metric," perhaps you may insert "carrying" and reorganize a bit the rest of the sentence.
- "existance" --> "existence"
- "There are a limited number...". --> "There is a limited number..."
- "... by each router". Perhaps, to give more context, "by each router in the network".

Subsection 1.3.
- Title: please add ":" after "synchronization". 
- Title: capitalize "solicitations" and "advertisements"
- On the first use of RS, RA, NS and NA, please use the expanded form and introduce the acronym, and use the acronym thereafter.
- "consuming a broadcast aloha slot with unencrypted traffic" appears to be one of the reasons mentioned, but it is a bit hidden between parenthesis. You may want to reorganize the sentence to emphasize that this is actually the crucial point.
- Second bullet in the list: did you mean "RA" instead of "Router Soliciation"
- Third bullet in the list: "If it must listen for a RS as well..." Did you mean "listen for an RA" ?

- It might be nice to close Section 1 by adding something along the lines of "This document defines...". However, this would not be specific to subsection 1.3. Therefore, some reorganization of Section 1 might improve the document.

Section 2.
- Even if there is a single figure in the whole document, it might be good to add a figure number and a caption the format for the new IE subtype.
- After the figure, is there a particular reason why the fields of the format are presented in a different order from the one in the format?
- Please add a ":" after the name of each field and its definition/description.
- "this field indicates the willingness to act as join proxy". Perhaps "the willingness of the sender to act..."?
- "Lower value indicates willing to act as a Join Proxy..." Perhaps "Lower value indicates greater willingness to act as..."
- "Values range 0 (most willing)..." --> "Values range 0x00 (most willing)..."
- In the figure, one field is called "Join Proxy lower-64". In the text, it has a different name...
- "if the Proxy Address P-flag is set, then the lower 64-bits of the Join Proxy’s Link Layer address..." Did you mean "link-local" instead of "Link Layer?
- "the layer-2 address of any IPv6 traffic to the originator". Did you mean "the destination layer-2 address..." ?
- "if the P bit is set, then 64 bits (8 bytes) of address are present." I had trouble understanding this sentence. Please consider rewriting it.
- "this is an variable length field" --> "this is a variable length field".

Section 5.
- "Registry IETF IE Sub-type ID." Please cite RFC 8137 here as well.